Anytime I start to prep for a competition or phase of my life that is demanding, difficult, and/or growth-oriented, I review my priorities and expectations. What do I expect to get out of this phase of life? What are my goals and how can I make the most of this process? When competing for powerlifting, these expectations take the form of desired numbers, weight loss, or process-oriented goals. In life, these expectations can be vastly different. They may include other people, be fluid and changing, and/or be wrong on any given day.
Today, I was reflecting on the expectations I have of myself and the goals I set for this year/period of life. I found myself feeling emotions related to both disappointment and pride but I also couldn’t help but realize the disappointment stemmed from limits imposed on my views. I had not imposed these limits so how had they gotten there? Why did I believe they were true?
I’ve come to realize that limits stem from two vastly different sources. The first of these sources and the most discourteous to our goals is related to our personal insecurities. Several of my limits come from self-doubt and past failures that have accumulated over time. The second, those around you. People who don’t understand you will impose limits on you because they want you to be predictable, controllable, and less than they are. Whether these individuals are doing it out of purpose or subconscious habit, the limits can feel very real and frightening if you don’t know their source. As a powerful, independent woman, I’ve seen both of these limits hold me back and encourage anxiety/fear. Now, this isn’t to say that I am blaming or shrugging off fault, I take full responsibility for my actions and adoption of limits. However, lacking awareness of these limits is where we get caught.
Over time, limits will start to plague your goals and expectations. Somewhere along the way, there’s always a devil’s advocate or individual who has told you that you couldn’t do something. Our problem is that we listened to them. We took what they had to say to heart and made the limit real. Maybe we were our own influence for submission to fear/anxiety or maybe it was someone in our inner circle. I’ve been told that I’m too invested or committed to people. I’ve also been told that I’m too strong for a female and I should try to be more “feminine.” Temporarily, these things haunted me. I felt as if I should disconnect from people - try to care less. I’ve also tried the “solo, I don’t need any help” route and it always ended in turmoil for myself and those around me. As for my strength, it’s my saving grace and I refuse to let anyone tell me to “lift less.”
Outside of these limits, we have the control to move past them - push the “ceiling” per se. Our locus of control is how we perceptualize the control we have over our lives. An external locus of control adopts a victim’s mindset. “I wasn’t able to accomplish this because of x, y, and z things in my environment and I couldn’t control anything” or “this is everyone’s fault but my own and I can’t believe this is happening to me” are common phrases used when one has an external locus.
When you adopt an internal locus of control, YOU are responsible for your life. What you do and how you act is your responsibility. “I just accomplished a goal because I did everything in my power to be my best and work hard” or “man, life has been really difficult lately but x, y, and z are in my control and I’m working to improve my situation” are prime examples of an internal locus.
An internal locus allows us to accept that we have established a limit and it can be removed. Whether we imposed the limitation through insecurities of our own or someone else told us that we weren’t good enough, we have the control to push through and come out on the other side.
Today I felt as if my expectations of others and of myself were too high. I expect a high degree of responsibility, work-effort, and accomplishment in my life – just because another person’s expectations don’t match mine doesn’t mean I should change them.
Why would you level-down just because someone is uncomfortable with what you’re achieving?
Why would you take steps back when you’ve worked so hard to move forward just because someone wants you to be predictable?
Why would you allow insecurity to stop you from chasing your dreams?
I encourage you to analyze your expectations, limits, and locus of control. Are you expecting too little of yourself? Why not raise the bar? Are the limits you perceive changeable or removable? Do you have a victim mindset?
When I told a few peers that my goal was to deadlift 500 pounds in the next 2 years some scoffed. Others told me I would injure myself and some were speechless. Did I let these reactions define me? Hell no. The peers that supported me and asked “why not more?” were the ones that have stuck around. They are the people who hold me to a higher standard and make my expectations/goals feel like realities.
Check yourself – Take responsibility – Expect more – it’s simple.
For now, all the love to those of you reading and working on self-improvement. It isn’t easy but, if it was, perfection would be more of an outcome rather than a goal. Keep working hard my friends and, as always, reach out for anything and everything.
As for updates, I am accepting new clients for Built-By-Brook’s online programming. I am always eager to work with like-minded people and push individuals towards their potential. Warning, I have high expectations and I’m a giver of tough-love more often than not – I simply won’t limit you and I WILL push you. Online programming works for anyone with a gym membership and I’ve specialized in powerlifting and powerbuilding – I also coach general population, athletes, and anyone willing to put the work in for themselves.
Link —> https://www.builtbybrooktraining.com/online-training
Secondary, I am now contracting as a one-on-one personal trainer at OneUp gym and working on a few side projects. If you’re interested, I have in-person sessions open and available for new and existing clients. I’ve also been sponsored by Nutrition Zone Lincoln and all clients/friends get a 10% discount on all products – HMU for details.
Nutrition Zone —> https://www.instagram.com/p/B1rJOG_JSej/
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