Returning from my travels abroad in August was a rollercoaster. In May, I was under the impression that leaving my friends and family for three months was going to be so much harder than returning. I thought that leaving my life in Nebraska was going to set me off and I would have a terrible time trying to be okay all summer. Upon my return, I knew this assumption was very wrong.
You see, three months is a long time to spend with yourself in a foreign country. As I traveled throughout parts of Europe, I found peace within my own presence. I grew into a woman that I’ve always looked up to. After a discussion with my mentor before returning home, I mentioned that I didn’t know how I was going to fit in at home again because of the changes I had undergone.
On my long flight from Spain to the states, I came to the hard realization that returning was harder than leaving. Of course I wanted to see my family and friends because I missed them dearly, but I didn’t know how I fit back into their lives after being gone. I had changed and so had they. Why didn’t that feel like a good thing?
Over the course of August and September, I began to notice a trend. My friendships and relationships were 80% the same. That meant that a whole 20% of each relationship had a different, new dynamic. As you can believe, this abrupt realization of change initially had me panicking. I found myself regretting my travels abroad despite their immense, positive impact on my life.
I wanted things to be the same. They were different. I fought to find ways to go back to old versions of friendships or habits in my life but to no avail. In fact, this resistance created even more tension in some of my closest relationships.
As I began to restructure the perceived changes in my own life and understand them more, I started to realize that the 20% was a good thing. In my mind, that 20% change was equivalent to 20% growth. It wasn’t specific, linear growth that was tangible or understandable. It was messy, unpredicted growth. This growth needed to be nurtured through the celebration of change and presence in the current moment. How was I supposed to see how much I had developed myself if I was constantly looking to old versions of myself and my friendships for validation? I wasn’t that person anymore.
This theory can be applied to almost all things. Exercise induces changes in the body that assist in the growth and development of stronger muscles. It can also induce changes that assist with growth through weight loss and/or goal attainment. What if your goal was a 10% change in your body composition? Whether that be 10% muscle gain or 10% fat-loss or a mix of both. If you attained that goal and perceived it to be a negative thing, then none of us would work on the goal in the first place.
Change is the absolute determinate of growth. Without change, we remain in the same. The things that bother us today will continue to bother us far into the future if we don’t find a way to CHANGE them.
I travel because it changes my view of the world a little more each time I leave and return home. I workout because each session induces a little more growth and thus little more change as I get closer to my goals. I pursue things that are scary because they are what force me to be better, to change in the best ways, to adapt.
Change can be scary and unpredictable. The things that we fear the most are often the same things that we need to do or work on. The weight you’ve wanted to lose, those workouts you’ve been trying to get to, that goal you’ve been working on, or whatever else is scary right now. These are the exact areas we need to pay attention to.
Yes, going to Spain scared the hell out of me. But it made me someone who is so much stronger and more aware of her life. That change and growth made me a better person not only for myself but for those around me. In my time since then, I’ve learned to celebrate that growth. I’ve learned that the scary things that change my circumstances or change who I am are the things that I need to pursue fiercely. Go after that goal. Chase that fear. Expect change and celebrate your growth because staying in one spot and feeling unsatisfied is no way to live a full life.